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Enigmatic - et al.
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1/15
Sunday. 1.18.15 3:29 pm (GMT+8)
Sweden's not exactly a place overflowing with milk and honey but it's quite an amazing place nonetheless.

It's like visiting the healing springs in Neopets. My spirits are much more uplifted now as compared to a mere 48 hours ago (and three on the plane because 500 days was such a nice movie but the rest of the in-flight was kind of meh).

We shall see how it goes. Meanwhile, #yolo. Explore more, taste more, talk to other people more.

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57/14
Tuesday. 12.30.14 1:03 am
"What's this lonely piece o' wood doing on the roof of the building?"

"I hear that you are supposed to extend it out into the chilly night sky"

"...and walk on it?"

"Aye, mate. Followed the traditions of yore we did, adopted for these end times."

"For judgement was passed by a gathering of your peers from all across the realm. Useful you were, aye, but not anymore."

"May God have mercy on your soul"

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56/14
Monday. 12.29.14 12:24 pm
Like a good mystery novel there are always twists in the tale.

And this one is pretty good - from an objective/literary point of view - indeed. When everything comes together seamlessly like this: the people in the past connecting with those of the present; the meeting of minds

It probably underlines the fact that hearsay is an extremely important source of sustenance for the rumour mills.

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55/14
Sunday. 12.21.14 8:55 pm
The uncertainty belying almost everything so far is killing me (maybe that's why I was never a good Physics student).

Nonsensical thought(s) of the day (you've been warned)
Many contrasting pairings require each other so as to bring forth their contradictory characteristics, else on their own they just don't make that much sense: 1 and 0, heads/tails, beauty/beast, day/night, hot/cold, yin/yang, romeo/juliet, pride/prejudice, direct/hearsay, lex fori/lex causae, love/hate. substance/procedure.

Can perfect balance ever exist? Or does it exist only theoretically, i.e. the nett juxtaposition of all the possible extremes at any given time on a simple 2D plane.

My guess in that in reality balance is relative; it is affected by whatever choices we make favouring one side of the spectrum against another.

If so, is balance then analogous to equilibrium? (le chatelier's, anyone)

Speaking of which, I was almost dead set on writing about it for the USP admissions three years ago. I don't really think that matters much though - I would have probably failed to get in anyway.

Returning to the whole 2D spectrum/balance thing - what happens now if a third dimension is introduced? (Or fourth? And a fifth? Not unlike in Interstellar?)

Interstellar is an awesome show even though some have opined that the last hour, or the last 15 mins (Kermode belongs here), spoilt it.

One thing's absolute though - it sure gets much complicated now.

Re. absoluteness - yesterday we had a debate on whether there is such a thing as an absolute statement - "but the fact is that the statement - there is no such thing as an absolute statement - is an absolute statement in itself".

I think also the option of being helivac-ed doesn't exist right now for certain kinds of injury - save for mass-obliviates, which obviously only exists in Rowling's world where tangibles are intangibles and infungibles fungibles at the same time.

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54/14
Sunday. 12.7.14 2:31 am
20/12: How did I even let myself end up in this mess in the first place? Let alone being framed like a picture on the wall and left to the mercy of strangers.

Edit (16/12; 2am): ...每个人都有本难念的经

Life is all just a random gamble.

Is this really the case?

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53/14
Thursday. 12.4.14 1:29 am
Glad to know that I survived the surgery, though it is still hurting now even with painkillers.

***
I'm not sure whether I can ever recover from this. If anything, this whole episode has left me rather disillusioned (and even more pessimistic than ever - thanks ah). It is just like the slider going from a mere reasonable doubt to BOP and then BRD. I know SFE should be excluded, but now I guess it shouldn't be cos PV>PE given the striking similarity between the various pauses in the past and now.

Am I being too selfish by trying too hard to save a friendship? One that had brought me much comfort and joy in the months while it lasted. It is something I'm ready to let go of - at least, not now; nor in the near foreseeable future.

Fingers crossed.

***
On yet another note it is so frustrating for plans to change right at the last moment though I understand that it is due to circumstances beyond my control.

And for guys I think you should cherish the fact that you are attached (and be thankful for it cos there are so many out there who are not) and not get so worked up over small, smaller and trivial things. I'm sure there's a more amicable way to putting across your views without pissing off the other person. You do trust your gf right? If not why the hell are you still with her? Think about it.
______

Addendum at 4am:
Well, I can't really say I'm the happiest person right now after being the innocent party who have had a contract to meet up breached by the other party in a type 2 RDC Concrete scenario (so can sue for damages?).

Still, I'm sanguine (at least I knew of it before I went to sleep) and optimistic that things will be better? I think our friendship is stronger than that.

As a guy, I can't understand now why are guys so possessive? Shouldn't you be thankful that you are together? Is it now that y'all are together that you feel entitled to control every single aspect of the other person's life? Don't they know that whatever they do have an impact on 3Ps as well? Wait, probably not since they are too caught up in emotions to think properly. It is like you are arguing for a contract characterisation when a property one is more apt.

Nothing seems to be going right at all though. And that's disappointingly worrying.

In the meantime, the phone stays silent still.

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52/14
Tuesday. 12.2.14 12:08 am
Freedom is so close; I can almost smell it now.


And then... what next?

**

It has been a most disappointing day ever. And I'm just glad November is past, for it's memorable for being so unmemorable.

Possibly going down under the knife later as well. Not sure what the doc will say. Shall see what the diagnosis is first.

Time to start making plans for an alternative career too.

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51/14
Friday. 11.21.14 2:27 am
[12 days to freedom; 8 weeks to departure]

In the midst of all the chaos that seem to rear its head each time the semester draws to a close, I managed to find peace and a lil' wee bit of optimism and hope in the people around me. The past three weeks were especially testing (after the Manchester derby, no less - such sweet ironies); it was liberating to hear those I'd consulted say I had done nothing wrong.

As always (and with other things), it really is out of my control now.

It is just like how they say that a sin of omission is worse than one of commission; am I justified to draw certain adverse inferences from this prolonged silence?

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